Loving the poo in San Juan Del Sur Nicaragua

   Story time!

   San Juan Del Sur Nicaragua, Semana Santa 2008:

   So, it is a Friday night during the week of the saints, and it seems like the entire city of Managua has pounced upon our little beach town. I am tending bar and the place is packed. When I say packed, I mean absolutely full to the brim.

   While working I notice a god awful smell rise through the air. Being extremely sensitive to foul smells, I gag a little and my eyes start to water. A minute later one of the cocktail waiters comes over to the bar gagging as well and pointing to the bathroom,(which only lies ten feet away from the bar) telling me that I have to check this out.

   The bar is swamped and the smell continues. So, I keep my head down and keep pounding out drinks. After about ten minutes we hit a short lull at the bar because just about everyone has a drink in hand. I walk out of the center island bar and over to the bathroom. The smell increases exponentially as I near the door.

   There are patrons and employees alike nearby the entrance both laughing and gagging. One employee, (another bartender) bends over and throws up, then begins to laugh again. I push the women’s bathroom door open with my foot, (mind you I said women’s).

   The reek that spills out is gut-wrenching. The entirety of the toilet is covered in soft served shit, as well as, the walls behind and next to the toilet. The toilet paper roll is covered in shit. The floor is covered in shit. Even the sink which is a couple of feet away, has some shit spattered on it.

   It looks as if someone filled a large balloon with diarrhea, then plugged an air compressor into the open end, and inflated the shit filled globe to the point of high powered eruption. I immediately call for a bucket of concentrated aromatic disinfectant and a bucket of bleach water.

   Unconcerned about mixing chemical, (I have already thrown up in my mouth twice) we step back and throw the bucket of bleach solution hard against the adjoining walls and toilet. Then, we follow it up with a heavily concentrated bucket of disinfectant water. We close the door and put the “Out of order” sign up. The smell wafting from the women’s room is almost immediately toned down to a tolerable level.

   I hurry back over to the bar and begin working again, but the smell in the bar persists. About forty minutes later the smell still has not abated and it is not now coming from the bathroom. So, I leave from behind the bar again to go investigate. The nose burning reek is the strongest on the south side of the room so I start my search there. It only takes me about thirty seconds to notice a girl sitting at the bar drinking a beer. The whole back side of her white shorts are muddy brown.  Upon noticing this I point her out to our security staff. A majority of our clients notice this as well, and start to point and laugh, saying things like, “What the fuck, she’s just sitting in her own shit!!” The bar sits stilted on the beach, so the water is literally less than one hundred feet away.

   I throw up in my mouth a little more while telling her, “Why not go wade out into the ocean to clean of a bit?  I mean, you’re covered in hot putrid shit.” She doesn’t really respond, just continues drinking with a glazed over look to her eyes. The security guards help her up to escort her outside. The sight is fucking gnarly. Her ass is soaked through with wet shit and the insides of her bare legs are covered in feces as well.

   Security takes her outside and we don’t see her again. It was absolutely mind boggling. A well dressed, pretty girl sitting in her own shit for an hour or more in a packed out bar! Slowly, with the poop factor removed, the open air aspect of the bar takes care of the smell.

  Yes, her bowel movement was so fetid that in an upstairs bar, completely open to the outside on three sides, including the ocean side with a strong breeze, that it damn near gassed us out.

 This really happened.

 I wrote about 1000 more words on my manuscript Blind man blue last night. The book is coming together now where the first three main characters stories intersect. My friend Gretchen found a web company that will do small print publishing for amateur authors and sent me the link.  She is very, very good at analyzing and sifting through all of the trash on the net to find completely viable tools!

   This could be my first option after I finish the manuscript and have it professionally edited. Maybe start with E-Books and do a small amount of printing as well.

Until later!