Chapter excerpt from Part two of "Blindman blue" Kale Hoffman

   I pull my .40 cal out of its shoulder harness and slowly stalk towards her open front door. The thrashing sounds continue but the screams have ceased. I inch my way across the grass and up onto my land lady’s porch.  I extend my left foot into the partially open door and slowly push it all the way open with my gun drawn back close to my face and at the ready.

   She is on the floor, lying amidst the jagged edges of broke dishes and cups. She’s been hamstringed, her arm is broken nearly in two, and her neck, all the way to the shoulder has been ripped out. “Hmm…”  I say. “That’s unlucky.” At the sound of my voice, I hear movement from down the hall. I take one step back into the open doorway and point my gun with both hands into the hallway.

   It’s Maul, my eighty pound Pit bull. He is staring at me from the end of the hall with strange blue eyes. ‘blue eyes…like they said on the news.’  I think to myself. Maul has a tattered dark blue low top shoe in his mouth. I glance over to the floor and see that the land lady is indeed missing one. I hold up my left hand palm out. “Easy Maul.” I say. My dog tilts his head a fraction to the side (how dogs do when they are considering something) and emits a low growl.

   Maul bolts down the hall towards me with the shoe still in his mouth. With sadness I pull the trigger in rapid succession three times. Maul slides to a bloody stop on his side five feet in front of me with one leg and paw tucked beneath his body. I creep up to investigate my dog. Two of the bullets hit him in his broad chest, and the third in his big gator face.

   As I’m inspecting my dog, the land lady starts to moan and move her head a little. “No way you can still be alive.” I say. I cautiously move toward her to check to see if maybe I had overestimated the extent of her injuries.  As I get close she grips the leg of the kitchen table to pull herself up. She sits up right and looks into me with a pair of pale blue eyes that used to be hazel. I sight my gun down the barrel and put a round dead into her forehead.

   I go down the hallway and systematically clear all the rooms in the house. I don’t want someone or something left behind to sneak up on me. Finished with checking the rest of my land lord’s house, I run back to my own. I already hear ruckus starting on the neighboring properties. My gun shots must have alerted others to my presence.

   I slide my keys in my pocket and hurry back over to my night stand. I toss my Mag-light into my bag and grab the pair of walki-Talkies that James uses for security at the night club. They have an ear piece and a button mic that you can clip to your collar for discreet communication. These could come in real handy, especially while driving.

   I check my watch as I strap on my bag. The time is 12:55 pm. As I head for the door, the lights flicker twice, and then go out. I leave my house without even bothering to shut the door.



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Off topic of The Zombie blog....but....On ignorance...

Over the last couple days I have been harassed by an individual over the fact that I Spearfish. All of my responses to said individual have been with complete understanding and with the utmost of respect. Now however, I am losing my patience.  If you are going to make an environmental and legal argument against me, know the facts before you open your close minded ignorant mouth.

Here are the facts:

1-    1-  Spearfishing is NOT illegal in Costa Rica. If you have your basic one year fishing license that costs 24$ you can spear fish in any ocean water that is not prohibited by the Silvestre conservation law, (I have a Silvestre conservation map of CR and know exactly where I can legally fish). For all information on protected areas and regulations on fish and wildlife, you can check at www.minaet.go.cr

2-    2-  Spearfishing is very difficult. If you have never spearfished, (freediving) and believe that we have an unfair advantage with a spear gun, I highly suggest you hop in the water and try it for yourself, because, you are wrong. You are submersing yourself into the fish’s environment and hunting outside of your own element with nothing more than the amount of air that you can contain in your own lungs. We are physically meant for land hunting, and therefore, are loud, sloppy, and awkward in the water in comparison to our targets. Fish are basically solid muscle built for swimming; a fifteen pound fish while in the water is stronger than you. They are also easily spooked and skittish. While hunting larger fish, there are many things that can go fatally wrong for the human in the water. Here are a few.

-A large fish can easily pull you down so quickly that you black out and drown.

-A large fish can dart high and circle, wrapping your line around your neck or limbs, leaving a high possibility of drowning.

-A large fish can push you to a point of depth and/or a critical physical point where shallow water black out becomes a huge concern.

-You are not at the top of the food chain while in the water. Sharks, Whales, Dolphins, etc.

- A speared fish will bite you if it can. Some have very strong or sharp teeth.

-Strong currents can take you away, or bash you into rocks if you are not completely 100% aware.

        

3-     3- From an environmental standpoint, a person taking only what they can hunt and eat is much better for the ecosystem than supporting the fisheries that use long lines and giant nets. This is where most of the fish meat you find in your local grocery stores comes from. Massive damage is done “accidentally” by these fishing enterprises who are meeting the consumer demand. –When a couple friends and I go out and get a couple 10-15 pound fish each, we have pounds of meat that WE WORKED FOR, and we don’t have to support the ecologically damaging fishing companies. Nor do we have to support the equally, “morally wrong” beef and pork slaughter house industries.

4-    4-  Even with catch and release sportfishing, more fish die of sheer exhaustion,(or are too exhausted to escape a predator that they normally could), and many times they die anyhow from internal injuries due to a long fight with a swallowed hook each year than me and all of my friends combined could hunt in all of our combined life spans.

5-    5-  A traditional fisherman with a rod and reel can easily catch much more fish than I with a spear gun. ( You can pass the whole day sitting on a boat. You cannot swim and chase fish underwater all day. A couple of hours is exhausting.)

6-    6-  Spearfishing is the most humane. The fish dies much faster than in other forms of fishing. (this is partly why we immediately put our dive knife to the fish’s head.)

This harassing person, who is a local here to Hermosa CR, made many racist remarks against me. One in fact was that I must be “half Gringo half Japanese “, because Gringos do not respect life, and I am “sowing death everywhere I go, murdering the ocean, an enemy of the ocean, and an enemy of Costa Rica.” He told me he will stop my “massacre of the fish”.  Write letters to PADI and that he knows people in MINAET. Well guess what?? I don’t scuba dive so… what has PADI anything to do with me? I have a fishing license and fish in legal water, (most of the central coast has unrestricted fishing) so MINAET will pay no mind.

Before someone decides to attack someone, it is wise to actually KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. I’ll bet you are a Vegan who has leather shoes, a leather wallet and a leather belt. If you want to actually make a difference in this world, Lobby against the giant fishing empires. I eat everything I kill, and try very hard to only kill edible fish. I DO NOT just randomly shoot fish for fun/sport.

So who is the more environmentally minded person?? Go on buying your fish from the store buddy. Support all that you hate. Then, attack me for hunting my own food.

Time to pipe it down and get off of your ignorant high horse you chump.



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Random un-edited book excerpt

   I can’t help it. The first thing I think of as she is doing the pimp limp ankle drag up to the stone stepping path at the front of my house with her tit out and her dress ripped to shit, revealing the entirety of her leg, hip, panties and mid-section is, “Damn she has a perfect body, such long limbs.”

   And I wonder what it would have been like to fuck her. To have her climb on top of me with those oh so long legs. How big her butterscotch nipples might grow when enticed. Heaving with ecstasy, would she sound something similar to the current cave woman noises she’s making now?

    I wondered about the shape of her vagina, the depth of it. Would it be a perfect fit, suctioning down onto me? I mean, not all vaginas are created equally. Some are beautiful. Some are not. Some are innies. Some are outies.  Some glisten like they were just shined up with strawberry pink lip gloss. Other unfortunate vaginas get dubbed “Meat flaps”, or “Jerky curtains”.  So I wonder, I wonder what it would have been like to rail her before her eyes changed to that blind man blue color.

   What brings me out of my brief, distinctly man style reverie, is the sight of the three other sound makers that must have been attracted to the noises Marcela has been making. They’re coming on much too fast to have been there for long.

   They are three of my Nicaraguan neighbors from a half block down. Very dark skinned. Not quite black, but, Moreno. All three built short and squat, with the pot bellies that accompany 40 year old beer schwillers.

   Marcela is now only fifteen feet from me, but, they will still arrive first. They are running and its’ only fifty or so yard in distance.  So I decide to act first. I take three or four long bounds towards Marcela, un-sheathing the machete at the same time, which puts me within striking distance. Being so close to her I see the distinctive oval shape of a bite mark on the outside of her right shoulder. Also, being so close seems to set off a new kind of fury in her that I had yet to see. Her whole body convulses, arms extended with hands bent into claws.

   The way she surges at me is like a rag doll being whipped while held at the feet. Her legs and hips basically stay in the same position. But, her whole upper body sways at a steep angle backward, then, slings forward with her teeth bared and claws swiping. The force of it reminds me of the end of a whip when it curls and then lashes.

   The machete goes cleanly through the forearm of her closest arm, severing it as she lunges. It was a side armed upward swing that followed through to land in the middle of her mouth, knocking out all of her front teeth and slicing through her cheek.

  The force of the blow topples her over, and she lands flat on her back. Incredibly she flips herself over onto her belly and starts to push herself up with her remaining arm, attempting to gain her feet again.

   Awe struck at the speed in which she had just moved, I drive the point of the machete through her back without hesitation, drilling her back down to the ground. This time she doesn’t move again. I look up and wade on towards the others.

Spear fishing The 26

Wed. July 27^th:  

   I’ve worked all night and finally go to bed around 4:15am. My alarm vibrates to wake me up at 5am and I send Nick a text to let him know that I am up. Shortly after, Nick pulls up to my house and we stop for some coffee and breakfast on the way to the marina. 10 minutes later we’re on the beach and in a boat taxi to take us out to our boat.

   On our way out to “The 26”, which is a deep underwater rock formation 26 miles out to sea, we pass a pair of Humback whales who are breaching the surface repetitively.  It is a thing of beauty to witness. We watch them jump and play for about 10 minutes before moving on to trek the rest of the distance to our open water oasis.

   Upon reaching The 26, we select our spear tips and attach our float line buoys to our guns. Eager to get wet, and get some fish, we throw on our masks and fins, and plummet into the water. After only a few minutes and a few dives down, the fish start to appear at reachable depths. Huge shoals of Big eyed Jacks, Rainbow runners, another rainbow sided mystery fish, and Amber Jacks, Snapper, Mahi, and Black finned tuna a little deeper. All you can see is blue in all directions. The summit of the rock formation is a full 80 feet down. This is open, deep water free diving and it is a little spooky. Also, it is easy to lose you bearings while rapidly drifting in the currents. A one minute 40 foot dive can easily take you 30 to yards from your previous position.  3 or 4 dives while focused on the fish and bam.. you’re 100 yards away from where you thought you were.

   I see a shoal of Big Eyed at about 30 feet of depth and dive down. There are so many targets I just select the fish that is most directly in front of me and presenting his profile. I take my shot, hitting the fish directly under its spine in the center of its length, perfectly locking the barbs around the opposite side of its spinal column.

   The fish immediately dives and fights like a madman, starting to pull me down. I kick out hard to try and surface the fish, but lose my right fin while I am still around 30 feet down. Now it is much harder to fight the fish, being one finned and awkward. I get momentarily confused as to what to do. Do I go for my rapidly sinking fin while the fish is still jerking me down, and I’m running out of breath? Or, do I forget the fin and surface by dropping the gun and let the buoy do some of the work, (I can’t swim the fish up with one fin, he is too strong).

   I drop the gun but keep a hold of the buoy line, making sure that it stays taught while I surface for air. Once on the surface, I signal the boat that I need them to come over and start to hand line the fish up. I make some headway bringing the fish up, but he is still fighting like the devil and making it difficult to stay afloat.  A moment later I see Nick swim up under me and attempt to grab the Jack by the tail. After a couple of attempts, he succeeds and swims the jack up to me. I snatch the fish by the tail to take control of its fighting power, and wait for the boat.

   At one point, I am swimming along under water and get a strange 6^th sense warning. I react by turning slow flips and circles to check for sharks in a spherical 360 degree manner. I don’t see anything threat, so I tell myself that I’m just spooking myself and surface for air. The second that I hit surface, I hear the guys on the boat. They are all screaming at me to get back to the boat and that there is a good sized shark in the area. Meanwhile, I’m a couple hundred yards from their position. So, I just go back underwater to not splash around on the surface, and calmly make my way back towards the boat, occasionally circling and flipping to check my surroundings.

   We each shot a couple of fish, Nick and I. And had a great day on the water.

We will now be running sportfishing, spearfishing, surfing and snorkel tours. Check out our site, www.jacosportfishing.com


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